Deserving Love
by freedandelion
Summary: What happens when Katniss Everdeen continues to be full of love and life the moment her father stumbles out of the mining shaft and into their arms? Peeta Mellark is the sole Victor of the 74th Hunger Games. His mind always racing at the word 'Love'. Will Katniss be able to save the broken Victor?


**A/N: I was reading through a bajillion prompts of panem stories when I realized I had a whole free day! So, I decided to give it a shot. :)**

* * *

"You let her die for me, Haymitch!" Peeta yells. Everything about this moment feels so surreal for him. The mere fact that he's alive when_ she_ isn't brings a sick feeling to his already upset stomach.

"Shut up boy, I didn't do anything that princess didn't want me to!"

"You just flat out abandoned her and let her die for me!" The blue eyed boy continues to scream running his hands through his hair out of complete frustration. "You could have done something to save her! At least one parachute!"

"Look boy, I'm going to tell you this once and I want you to get it into your damn skull. Princess wanted _you_ to live." Haymitch stops for a moment as he sees Peeta furrow his eyebrows in confusion. "Why you ask? She said if anyone deserved to live in this goddamn world it should be _you_. She said _you_ were probably the only good left in the world. She made me promise that I would save_ you_, that it should be the boy she fell in love with so many years ago." Haymitch sneers at the blonde boy in front of him.

0000

There is that word again. The word,_ Love._

Peeta isn't a fool to it. He knew how much Mallie liked him-his partner tribute in the 74th Hunger Games. He could see it everyday, when she passed the bakery or came in to purchase treats. How she fondly squeezed his elbow at lunch or made sure to make it to every single one of his wrestling meets. It wasn't until she told him one night huddled closely into the games in their small cave that he found out exactly how deep it meant for her. It was love Peeta could never return, although. His feelings shutting off since the first time his mother lifted a hand to him. If his own mother didn't love him, he didn't deserve to love, he didn't deserve to be loved.

_"I'm so cold, Peeta." Mallie shivered, teeth chattering as she ran her cold hands over her arms covered in goose bumps trying to get some type of warmth._

_Peeta was too distracted to feel any type of cold with his concentration of keeping their fire alive. He looked up to see Mallie shivering uncontrollably and pulled himself away from their small fire and climbed into his sleeping bag. "Come here," Peeta said, pushing his sleeping bag open. "We could share body heat."_

_"Okay," She said, giving him a small smile. She slipped into the bag at ease and Peeta held out his arms for her. His face burying into her blonde hair._

_Silence was how most of their time was spent since they took each other up as allies. The future too frightening to talk about and the past to raw to think about. It would be a lie to say that he didn't enjoy Mallie's comfort as selfish as he thought it could seem, he was happy that a part of home was here to feel how he felt._

_But tonight was different, little did he know that it was the last time he would spend huddled up in a cave with Mallie in his arms._

_Mallie wasn't so naive. She somehow knew that being in the final eight was going to come to rapid end and if she wanted Peeta to know, she would have to say the words that she has felt for years. It didn't matter that Peeta wouldn't feel the same way for her. She knew how there was a girl back in their district that has caught his eyes since they were toddlers but he never acted on them because of his mother. Every single moment she wished she could be the one to show him love does exist, that it doesn't turn people into a monster, that there are mothers that don't abuse their kids. And as much as she hopes that she could, she knows her own time is up in the world, and that as much as she wants to come out of this arena, she doesn't deserve to. Peeta deserves to. Mallie hopes with everything in her that Peeta will make it back into their district and realize that love does exist, and maybe he can find that love with _her_._

_The next morning when they are shaken up from a loud cannon booming through the arena. Mallie tilted her head towards Peeta's ear and gave it a light kiss. His eyes widening in bafflement as he felt her rosy lips meet his ear. Mallie's cheeks reddened in the dark cave but she continued to lean up closer and in a hushed tone whispered the words she has always wanted to tell him in his ear. Whispering because she wants these couple of words away from the Capitol. Where no one could hear because they are _real_ and they are only for_ him_._

_"I love you, Peeta Mellark." Mallie let out a small exhale. "It's probably the dumbest thing to say when we're in here and I know you don't believe you deserve love but _you_ do. Go back to District Twelve and tell her how fond of her you are. You and her both deserve to love."_

0000

_"_I made a promise to princess and I have to deal with an angry Victor. The joys of my life._" _The middle-aged man curses under his breath.

The memory of Mallie's whispering confession rings through Peeta's ear. _She's dead_. He curses through his jumbled mind. _She's dead because of me. She dead because she thinks I deserve to love and be loved._

"That doesn't mean you could let her die," Peeta speaks softy. His heart withering in two. He tries to tell himself repeatedly that maybe he can be loved, that maybe _someone_ will love him. But as the crops of District Eleven come to end so does his hope on love.

"She knew what she was doing," Haymitch breathes angrily. "And now you're the newest Victor. So, either you throw on a good fake smile or don't say anything at all because that's it. There's no way Mallie is coming back and it would a damn shame to put her fight against the Careers to waste." He nearly spits the words into his face.

Peeta stands alone. His whole body sinks in every single thing that has happened the month that he was gone. Running through everything that unfolded the moment his escort Effie Trinket called out his name. It shreds his heart apart at the thought. He was the reason _she_ died, he was the reason _all of them died_, he's the reason 23 families are having their children delivered in caskets to bury, he's the reason none of them will ever get passed the age of eighteen. Because he's alive, and he's the reason they're dead, and they will never be coming back._ Never_.

0000

Every possible person was there to greet Peeta Mellark.

All anxious to see the 'New Victor' of District Twelve. You'd be shameful not to go. District Twelve hasn't had a Victor since The Second Quell. His 'Welcome Home' was huge and festive. Everything a welcome home rally should be after 24 years of no Victors. News reporters everyone, cheers and smiles throughout the whole district. This year they had someone to cheer for, someone to root for, someone that will bring them 'Parcel Day' and the happy face of winner. Talking ceasing as the train hurled through the tracks. Having wind breeze towards everyone near the platform. All gray and blue eyes holding the gaze of the screeching train. Every single person in the crowd holding their breath that you swear you could hear a pin drop.

Then the doors flew open and there he was, Peeta Mellark, the Victor of 74th Hunger Games.

Everyone convinced that he was happy to be home as he embraces his parents and brothers hungrily, wrapping his arms around all his Town and Seam friends. Everyone convinced that the smile planted on his face was nothing but real, that he was delighted to be alive if that meant 23 other were dead, everyone convinced. Everyone, except Katniss Everdeen that is.

0000

It's been a complete month since Peeta has been home and as much as those around him try to make him feel like the boy he was once, he's not. They all know everything's changed. His sorrowful mind growing weary and angry at himself. Peeta spending most of his time walking throughout his district to find something to do. Finding ways to take the haunting images of Mallie, Cato, and Marvel out of mind. The faces of the unknown tributes that died at his hands.

She was too quiet, too sneaky to be heard. It wasn't until Peeta looked up from his walk to see shining gray eyes locking into his.

"Hey," A chipper brunette's voice speaks.

"What do you want?" Peeta asks.

"To see if all the gossip is true," Katniss smiles, taking a bite of a strawberry he's sure she picked this morning. "Never been one for gossip, you know. But then there's all these rumors of the big bad victor." She shrugs. "Wanted to see what that's about."

"So that's why you came here to see if I was the monster everyone says I am?"

"Not exactly," Katniss says, approaching Peeta with no fear. "You see. I've had rumors spread about me every day. That I'm some seam-whore or that Gale and I fuck in the woods." She throws the end of the strawberry onto the floor before they're both face to face. Her breath practically lingering on Peeta's cheeks. "None of them being true of course."

"Well you've seen me. Now go back and talk to everyone about the person I am," Peeta says, voice raspy.

"They're all wrong," Katniss says, observing his facial construction. "Simple minded idiots."

"What?"

"You're still the same boy that's helped so many," She shrugs, stepping away from Peeta. His eyes widening at the the sudden movement. "You're the same guy. Except for your eyes… they're vacant."

"What would you know about that?" Peeta nearly snarls.

"I know plenty Victor," She smirks. "Now that I see the dumb rumors are untrue. I'll leave alone."

"Yeah, run away from the legless Victor, it's what they all do!" Peeta shouts out of anger.

He doesn't mean to spit out those cruel words but that's how he's felt every single day since he's been back. He can't go back to school, his parents don't let him work at the bakery anymore, they have even rejected his invitation to live with him. It doesn't help either that, Haymitch, his only neighbor is always asleep with a bottle snuggled under his arm.

He's the legless Victor no one wants.

"What?" Her head snaps, her eyes flickering with sparks of anger.

"Just run away! The moment I've stepped back to this place if isn't a 'Congrats Peeta!' it's a 'I'm sorry about your leg'," Peeta spits out, venomously.

"You lost a leg, so what?" She asks, her grey holding the gaze of his pool of blue.

"So what?!" Peeta states, frustration running through his core. "_So what_?"

"My dad lost a leg, you know." Katniss grits her teeth. "He lost his leg in the mining accident years ago and he doesn't have that fake leg you were given, he has a wheelchair." She huffs upwards, having her long bangs swing away from her face at the sudden blow of air. "Ask me if he's allowed to work! Ask me if he's allowed to hunt like he use to! Ask me if he was okay that his eleven year old daughter learned how to hunt on her own! Ask me! Because he's not, he wasn't, and that doesn't matter to him anymore. You know why? Because he's alive! If you think you have it bad, look around you Victor, there's plenty of us that have it a lot worse." Katniss screams, her eyes locked front and center with Peeta's. If looks could kill Peeta Mellark would be a dead man. Her arms fall at her sides from the outburst. "I don't think you're a monster. I think you're an idiot."

With that Katniss Everdeen turns on her heels and jogs away from him. Her braid bouncing along with her step.

0000

Peeta can't help but pace back and forth, back and forth, back and forth through the grass of Victor Village.

The encounter with Katniss Everdeen was exactly a week ago. His mind turning into a mess the moment she let out those words. Peeta can't help but feel guilty of his sorrows when in all truth there are people far worse then him.

Growing up he would help his classmates that lived in Seam. It hurt him to know that their were children going days without food, going days without having anything to eat. Everyday when he turned the age of seven he would sneak several cookies into his pockets and made sure to give it to those with sullen faces and sorrow eyes. Peeta was teased by Town friends and given harsh looks from those of the Seam but as he grew up he was well liked, 'The Golden Child' they would call him. The boy that did everything right. He was well known from both The Seam and The Merchant side. Always getting cards on special holidays and his birthday. It would give him butterflies in his stomach when people would address him kindly at a young age.

The feeling never lasting long the moment he reached home to his mother.

And he continues to pace back and forth, back and forth.

"What's got you so worked up?" Haymitch asks one day, as he leans over the white railing of his towering home.

"Nothing," Peeta grunts. His shoes still gliding over the same grass he's been pacing for the past seven days.

"Doesn't seems like nothing," Haymitch laughs, his nose crinkling at the body function.

"Do you ever feel like we've got it bad?" Peeta asks, his head turning to face Haymitch.

"Everyone's got it bad, kid." Haymitch grunts.

"Oh," Peeta says, simply.

"But there are those who have it worse," Haymitch says, taking a swing of the bottle in his left hand.

"Don't laugh," Peeta breathes out.

"No promises," Haymitch chuckles, already at the words of the young Victor.

"Do you believe in love?"

"Love?" Haymitch questions, his right eye brow arching towards the sincere blonde in front of him. "You're asking this old man about love?"

"You're the only old man that will actually talk me," Peeta responds, his voice slightly cracking at the end of the sentence.

"It's a harsh game, love. It bends people forward and backward. People thrive for it, kill for it, roll around in it." Haymitch eyes landing towards the sky. "But I guess there are worse games to play than love."

0000

_Worse games to play. Worse games to play. Worse games to play._

The words repeating like a martyr in Peeta Mellark's foggy mind.

Peeta stumbles into his Victor Village house and straight towards his kitchen. The urgency of baking breaks through his whole body. The rest of his afternoon is spent around a large warm oven, his head beating sweat from the heat enveloping the whole room, his hands and arms covering in flour and cheese. His mind perfecting the simple pastry he needs to accomplish.

When the sun is finally set and the world is off to sleep, Peeta steps out of his large house pulling his jacket's hood over his head as he creeps towards the general direction of the Seam. It's hard for his feet to be quiet, Peeta's feet always having the heavy tread but as the road starts to become into complete dirt he notices his feet make little to no sound.

He feels stupid as he reaches the one story home. He feels ridiculous and the sensation of throwing up reaches the pit of his stomach. He strides back and forth a couple of times until he decides to leave the back-up note he brought just in case he chickened out. As he knew he would. He places the small note on top of the box of pastries before he knocks on the door and scoots away. His body drifting behind a large beat up shed that couldn't possibly be a home. His eyes staying focused on the small house, peering over the shack.

0000

Katniss rushes towards the door the moment she hears a knock on the door. One of her neighbor's has been expecting her first child and her mother being her mother promised to help deliver the newborn. As Katniss swings the door open she's startled to see herself just staring out into the dark. She carefully steps out of her home, her long straight hair's being pulled by the wind, and lets her eyes glance left and right to see that indeed no one is at her door. Right as she was about to step back into the warmth of her home her bare feet hit something.

A white box.

Katniss's crouches down and picks up the perfectly white box at the foot of her door. Her eyes landing on a precisely folded yellow sheet. She lets her finger slightly trace it before she opens it.

_"You're right._

_People do have it worse than I do._

_When I was seven your dad once traded at the Bakery for cheese buns, he said it was his little 'Katniss's Birthday' and he had to get her her favorite treat._

_This is hoping you'll forgive me. This is hoping you'll like what I baked. This hoping I didn't scare you off like all the others._

_- The idiot."_

"Who is it, dear?" Katniss dad asks, over her shoulder.

"Someone who just needs a friend dad," Katniss says shyly, stepping back into the comfort of her home.

0000

Peeta starts to roam the district again. His sanity being questioned as he kept pacing through Victor Village. If he continued to lock himself in his part of town he would have literally gone mad. His mind let's him wander as much as he wants. He doesn't care anymore what people think of him, because in reality none of them will tell him to his face. They're all smiles and embraces but no one really tells him that they all know.

That Peeta Mellark isn't okay. That Peeta Mellark lost part of him the moment he stepped into the arena. That Peeta Mellark isn't really Peeta Mellark.

It wasn't until he was staring at the large fence that he noticed how far he trailed off.

"What are you doing here?" A voice asks, approaching him from his right.

His head jerks to the direction of the voice. His eyes landing on a petite brunette, her braid slung over her shoulder, and her body covered in a large hunting jacket.

"I-I-I don't know," Peeta answers, his hands covering his embarrassed face. "I just I-I just."

"Did you want to go into the woods?" Katniss asks, her face hard as stone.

"Would you care if I join… you?" He asks, his eyes wide.

"Give up a chance of seeing Peeta Mellark in the woods?" Her facial feature changing to a large grin. "Never. Follow me."

"A-Are you sure?"

"I'm never sure of anything." She smirks. "That's what makes everything so fun."

0000

It continues that way.

For weeks, Peeta joins Katniss every day to hunt.

He's terrible at hunting. His heavy feet scaring away all the game but Katniss doesn't mind though. She doesn't know what it's about Peeta's presence that she can't help but smile when she hears a branch crack under his feet or the crunch of leaves being stomped on.

"I'm useless," Peeta says.

"You are not," Katniss replies, grabbing his arms and bringing him towards her. "You're just not use to hunting."

"It's been weeks," He huffs.

"Yeah and you're probably way better at gathering than me and Gale are. You have an eye for it." Katniss smiles, running her finger over the palm of his left hand.

"Do you want me to gather for you?" Peeta questions, his eyes lighting up at the thought.

"Well… If you wouldn't mindddddd."

"Oh, I don't." Peeta smiles widely and parades towards the sea of green.

0000

Peeta likes to gather.

He likes that his actions of running his hand through roots and leaves help a family. Help Katniss Everdeen's family. He likes the comfort of being needed once more. He likes to help the girl that doesn't shy away from him because he seems broken. He likes to be in the presence of Katniss Everdeen. He just likes to well… be _liked._

"I want to show you something," Katniss says, sneaking up behind Peeta.

"What?" He asks, tilting his head and handing her the pouch full of all the things he's gathered while she was out getting game.

"Whoa!" She squeals. "This is wonderful, Peeta. Thank you."

"It was nothing." Peeta smiles. "Where are you taking me?"

"A lake." Katniss says, her eyes twinkling at the words.

0000

Then it becomes a routine.

Peeta gathers, Katniss hunts, and then they both make their way towards the lake she showed him one afternoon.

He stills remembers the first time his eyes took the sight before him. How the sun was magically reflecting over the clear water. How fishes would swirl around at the bottom of the body of water. Flowers and weeds sticking out every direction outside of the lake. The quiet engulfing both of them as they shred their clothes and dove in. More like Katniss dove in, Peeta just watched her graceful movement as he circled his real leg into the water.

Katniss once again shred her clothes after they were done in the woods and Peeta opted out of their usual routine.

"I'm just going to lay in the grass," Peeta tells her.

He didn't notice he had fallen asleep.

It wasn't until the scream of his name was bringing him to consciousness that he noticed his eyes were shut.

_"Peeta!"_

His body registers the warmth around him and lets himself sink into it. It's been so long since he's had an actual hug, a comfort hug, not one out of obligation or pity, one where the person is hugging him because they want to.

His eyes snap open to see the worried eyes of Katniss Everdeen looking down at him. "You fell asleep," She whispers into his left ear. "You started to scream and thrash around. You looked like you were in pain. I had to wake you up. I-I-I didn't know what to do."

"You're doing just right," Peeta shutters a breath and continues to let Katniss wrap her skinny arms around him.

"You're safe here," Katniss whispers into his ear, her arms holding on even tighter. "You're safe with me."

"I saw them," Peeta exhales. "I saw them all. Their faces, their blood, their deaths. Every single one of them. I heard their screams throughout my whole nightmare. I kept running. I kept trying to get away. I tried so hard to find a way out but they kept following. They were screaming for my blood."

Peeta trembles against Katniss and a sob escapes his lips. It's the first time he's talked about his nightmares. It's the first actual time he's let himself speaks about the faces that haunt him the moment he shut his eyes. He doesn't let himself think or speak about them, certainly not cry about them but the moment Katniss spoke about being safe, he knew he could.

0000

Katniss prances around the room until she abruptly stops and starts playing with the grand piano at the side of his large house.

"I should learn how to play the piano," She jokes, her fingers gliding across the black and white keys.

"Go ahead," Peeta smiles, his body sliding into the empty seat next to her.

"Too much work," She laughs. "Besides my fingers are too rough to ever be gracefully with this type of instrument."

She stands up gliding towards the front of the room as her fingers trace around the pictures on top of the chimney in Peeta's home. Her hand grabbing the picture of his parents-the only picture he has of their wedding, years before he was born.

"Your mom's dress is stunning," Katniss breathes.

"You think?" Peeta questions, his body moving to where she stands.

"Yes," She smiles, placing the picture back to it's original position. "You look like your dad though."

"Now do I?" Peeta grins, his cocky grin that he always gives her.

"You sure do," She laughs.

"I always wonder what married life feels like, don't you?"

"No way," Peeta shakes his head vigorously. "If it's anything like it's done to my mother. I don't want to know."

"Oh," Katniss says, her face slightly falling.

"You wonder about that don't you?" Peeta asks.

"Guilty," She sighs. "I just always remember how my mom's eyes would light up the moment my father's voice slipped through our front door. Rushing to help him with his jacket and his shoes, drenching his face with wet kisses. Things obviously changed the moment of my dad's accident but they aren't any less in love. If anything, it brought them closer together." She smiles. "I always want to know what it's like."

"I'm sure one day you will," Peeta smiles, his eyes locking onto hers.

0000

"You sure spend a lot of time with sweetheart," Haymitch remarks one night.

"Her name's Katniss," Peeta chews on his bottom lip. "And we do not."

"She's been here every single day for the past month, Peeta."

"So?" Peeta questions.

"So?" Haymitch laughs. "What's with you two?"

"What are you talking about?" Peeta asks, his feet suddenly shifting from one foot to another.

"You've been parading around with this girl for months and you two haven't done anything?" Haymitch arches his eyebrow.

"Done?" Peeta asks.

"So you haven't!" Haymitch guffaws.

"You're a nut." Peeta shakes his head.

"Tell me you don't have feelings for her and I'll leave you alone," Haymitch says, amusement in his voice.

But Peeta can't.

It'd be a lie to say that his heart doesn't flutter when he sees the braid peaking out of the lake or when his eyes land on small feet bundled in black combat boots that maneuver gracefully throughout the woods. He can't help but get overwhelmed with excitement the moment he knows school is let out because he knows in moments they'll be joined once again.

Katniss Everdeen gives him hope, comfort, love. _Love?_ He shakes his head at his own thoughts. She can't give him love, he doesn't deserve love.

"I-I-I can't," Peeta says, his eyes staring at the ground.

"Is this why you asked me about love?"

"N-N-No." Peeta stutters over the simple two lettered word.

"If you ask me I think sweetheart cares about you. Who else would spend so much time with a Victor and get nothing in return?"

"In return?"

"Yeah. I've seen the way she's carries herself the months you've two been together. She's a pure girl, that one. She doesn't seem to have any bad notions through her petite body."

Peeta smiles at Haymitch words.

_Katniss cares about him._

0000

Peeta starts to spend less time with Katniss as the Victory Tour starts to approach. His body turning back into the shell that it was the month he had come back home. When no one approached him or spoke words other than 'congrats' to him. His mind wandering more and more over the faces that were dead because of him.

"You don't come anymore," A small voice says.

"I-I'm sorry," Peeta sighs, his gaze turning towards the brunette in the middle of his living room.

"Why?" She asks, her body sinking down on the couch he occupies.

"I-I have to go back, Katniss." Peeta says, his head hitting her shoulder. "I have to go to the Capitol and not only the Capitol but I have to go to every district. I have to say my thanks and hear congratulations all over again. For what? Because I'm the winner of The Hunger Games. Because the odds were in my favor! I just wish I could go away." Peeta voice chokes out. "I hate this."

He buries his head into his hands as tears begin to escape his blue eyes. "I hate this." He says again.

"Peeta," Katniss whispers, kneeling in front of him. "Peeta look at me."

But he doesn't, he just shakes his head in his hands.

"No one even cares I'm alive. No one wants me. No one needs me." His words throwing him into a trembling fit. "What does it matter? I don't deserve any of it."

Katniss heart breaks at his words. She jumps back onto the couch and huddles him into her embrace. "Don't say that, Peeta Mellark. Don't you dare say that."

"It's true," He sobs. "No one does."

"Am I no one then?" Katniss near shouts. "Don't you care that_ I_ want you? Don't you care that_ I_ need you? Don't you care that_ I_ care that you're alive?"

"Y-Y-You do?" Peeta stutters.

Katniss nods.

Never being good at words all she does is nod and holds the broken boy closer and closer to her, until there is no visible space between either of them.

"W-Why?" He chokes out. "I don't deserve it."

"Don't say those things, Peeta. They're ridiculous." She scolds. "You deserve everything you get in life."

"Why?" He asks again, his body pulling away from her embrace to face her.

"Why what?" Katniss asks, taken slightly aback from his piercing blue eyes.

"W-Why me? Why do you care about me?"

Then Katniss does what Peeta has never expected from her. _She kisses him. _Her lips come to his in such urgency that it relishes his whole body in excitement. His hand cupping her face and her hands thrown languidly around his neck. It's both of their first kisses and none of the awkwardness they have heard from both their friends ever comes. His body ready to burst at the warmth that huddles in his heart. Peeta lays Katniss onto her back as he hovers over her, never breaking contact, continuing to devour each other's lips. Holding on to each other like lifelines, scared that if one of them let's go they'll disappear into thin air.

"I love you, Peeta Mellark." She pants out as his lips move away from hers. "You might think that no one cares or that no one needs you or that you don't deserve it. B-But I do."

Peeta moves down towards her and wraps his muscled arms around her tiny waist. His lips finding her temple and planting a small kiss onto it.

His eyes closing slightly as she whispers the words again. Letting his whole body hum in satisfaction.

If not being able to live without Katniss isn't love, then he doesn't know what love is. If it isn't the warm feeling rushing through his heart and limbs, then he doesn't know what love is. If it isn't looking into the eyes of a grey eyed girl and feeling like the world is going to be okay, then he doesn't know what love is.

After bringing her face to his and placing another chaste kiss to her lips he whispers it to her because those words are only for her.

"I love you too, Katniss Everdeen."

And they're true. Because Peeta Mellark deserves to be loved, Peeta Mellark deserves to be able to love back.


End file.
